Recently, I attended a grief support group for adults who have experienced a significant
loss over the past year. All the attendees were at various stages of grief and loss from a
life altering experience, focused on loss of an individual in their life either through death,
divorce or alienation.
What was so important about attending this workshop was having the privilege of hearing
their stories is that each and every person talked about how being in relationship and or
belonging to a family or community were, in the end, the most important aspects of their
life.
Many of the attendees had excellent jobs, owned high end homes and lived what would
be considered by most of us “successful lives”. But what each of them discovered
through the sudden loss of a spouse, community or family member, or through an
unexpected divorce or an experience of alienation, is that Freud hit the nail on the head
when he stated that "we are never so hopelessly unhappy as when we lose love."
When it comes to our health, we often do not connect how imperative the experience of
loving, being loved and belonging are to our overall wellbeing and immune function.
Leaving the support meeting, it felt important that I share with our readers that it is
imperative for each of us, periodically, to reexamine what really matters in our lives. We
know today, through the mind-body research that has been done over the last 20 years
that our health and our relationships are intimately intertwined.
As I participated in the various discussion groups that were available during the
workshop, a significant number of the participants - from my calculation appeared to be
over 75%, many suffered from chronic headaches, fibromyalgia, chronic allergies,
asthma, irritable bowel syndrome or ulcers. All of these conditions can be traced back to
the stress they experience from the loss and subsequent grief of what comes from the loss
of relationship or as Freud says “when we lose love”.
Whole Health self-care recommends that when we have experienced loss of any kind,
especially relationship loss, it is an excellent practice to do something good for yourself
as well as doing something pleasurable or enjoyable for and with those you are currently
in relationship with. Take a moment of gratitude for the gift of family, friends, spouse,
partner, peers that enrich your life.
Without the gifts of love and companionship our lives and our health suffer. For more
information and downloadable audio presentations on whole health education on Whole
Health Self Care visit www.healththyself.org.
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